Spain (4-2-3-1)

Unai Simón Only tested in the first-half by Foden strike and had little chance with Palmer goal. 6

Dani Carvajal Made the dry your eyes gesture at Saka after tripping him. Typically robust evening. 7

Robin Le Normand Off injured in 83rd min after a commanding performance though pulled around for goal. 6

Aymeric Laporte Rarely tested early on, authoritative throughout and only ever stretched when England attacked for the goal. 7

Marc Cucurella The revenge of a season being written off with the best weighted cross you will see. Great duel with Saka. 8

Rodri Not the controlling influence thanks to Foden’s work and withdrawn injured at half-time. 5

Fabián Ruiz Superb, all over the midfield even though England tried to contain him, pressed hard, passed crisply. 7

Lamine Yamal Amazing run across to create goal after zero impact in the first half, should have scored late on. 8

Dani Olmo If a superb midfield performance was not enough, he saved his team with a brilliant header off line. 8

Nico Williams First time he shook off Walker, he scored. Superb goal, excellent second-half, the star of the tournament. 9

Álvaro Morata Led the press and the line but precious little to work with and gave way to Oyarzabal. 6

Substitutes

Martin Zubimendi (for Rodri 46) Actually had more influence than Rodri, 7. Mikel Oyarzabal (for Morata 68) Superb layoff spin and run for goal; knew exactly where cross was coming, finished perfectly, 8. Nacho (for Lemond 84) 6. Mikel Merino (for Yamal 89) 6.

England (4-4-1-1)

Jordan Pickford Superb distribution to set up equaliser. Not at fault for goals and potentially match-saving save from Lamine Yamal. 7

Kyle Walker Phenomenal first half, defensively and in attacking support. But first time he let Williams get away, he scored. Great contest. 6

John Stones Superb early block on Williams, one aggressive run into Spain’s half. Led well throughout at the back. 7

Marc Guéhi Solid and secure as he has been throughout the competition, a class act and never faltered – almost rescued it at end. 7

Luke Shaw Finally started on that left flank and superb in the first half but let Lamine Yamal cut inside for goal. Amazing given injury though. 6

Bukayo Saka His speed belatedly terrified Spain and his cross got England back in the game. Good early on too. 7

Kobbie Mainoo Less chance to knit together play than against the Netherlands but diligent work throughout and had a great tournament. 6

Declan Rice Covered ground, organised well but could not dominate a fine Spanish midfield pressing him constantly and passing round him. 6

Jude Bellingham The pass that set up Saka and the stretch to knock it back to Palmer was him bossing game – but only in fits and starts. 6

Phil Foden Combined No 10 duties with cutting Rodri’s supply. Came to life more creatively when Spain scored but only a limited impact. 6

Harry Kane Same as ever. Struggling to hold up play, good passing range but surely carrying injury? 5

Substitutes

Ollie Watkins (for Kane 61) Came to deliver runs in behind but never had the chance, 5. Cole Palmer (for Mainoo 70) Unbelievable impact, superb finish. What a tournament, what a season, 8. Ivan Toney (for Foden 89) 6.

This was not Harry’s game. It was not his or England’s tournament either and perhaps, once they have picked themselves off the floor from a traumatic, climactic night, they will acknowledge that something may indeed have changed forever. The sight of Harry Kane removing his armband, handing it to Kyle Walker and running to swap places with Ollie Watkins in the 61st minute was an oddly moving finale to his summer. This was not how anybody had envisaged his role in breaking a personal trophy drought and ending the hex upon his country, too.

As Spain celebrated in the centre circle Kane stood impassively in the technical area, putting emotions in order before making his way around his stricken, desolate teammates. He had hoped to crown his life’s work here but instead all the goals and individual accolades that, the day before, he had offered to swap for team success will have to stay put.

The consideration for Gareth Southgate, or anyone who succeeds him, should be that England have looked livelier and fresher in his absence for some weeks. Cole Palmer’s moment of brilliance may not have denied Spain the title they deserved but his impact and, perhaps more pertinently, the movement of a sprightly Watkins pointed to the future.

Two and a half hours previously, the possibility of fulfilment had remained intact. England’s bus had arrived at 7.29pm, winding its way past the woodlands and training pitches that surround Olympiastadion and depositing its inhabitants. It was striking to see Kane emerge first, five seconds before anyone else, setting a pace towards the dressing room without a glance backwards.

This was business, an impression cemented during the pre-match walkabout. Spain’s players were already mingling by the halfway line when Kane, again well ahead of the pack, led England out to absorb the scene. They were still there when he took them back in after the briefest of turns around the turf. The message, driven by the captain, seemed clear: any sightseeing in this strange, historic, discomfiting venue could wait.

In those few minutes, was Kane attempting to visualise the moment that could transform the narrative of an entire career? It is one of his favoured preparation methods: thinking about the touch, the turn, the near-post dart, the knee-high leap and twist in the air that write the record books. He had spoken in the week of England’s “aura”, a sheen and control acquired through learning semi-finals and finals need not be strangers.

The problem for Kane was that his own sense of inevitability had diminished. England had not exactly made it this far despite him, but they had needed fresh faces to solve old problems. It felt significant and new that Kane’s deputies, Ivan Toney and the newly history-enshrined Watkins, had done more to shift the dial on their panoramic journey here.

By half-time the awkward, gnawing sense was that England may need another such intervention. Broadly the game was going to plan: the wisdom had been that a drawn‑out stalemate would ultimately favour them. Spain were crossing aimlessly, while Lamine Yamal was peripheral. But Kane had hardly led the charge for England and it was little surprise, as the 20-minute mark passed, that he had not touched the ball.

When he finally did, it resulted in a booking for the follow-through on Aymeric Laporte. The gruel was always going to be thin for England, particularly in those early moments when Spain sought to discover whether things might be resolved quickly. They needed to make the most of what pressure bursts they could muster, but Bukayo Saka spurned an invitation to find Walker on the overlap and Phil Foden was off balance when free at the far post.

Just before the whistle a moody Jude Bellingham exposed Dani Carvajal and finally Kane had his shooting chance. He has said he can remember each of his 406 career goals on demand, given a little thinking time: there have certainly been plenty from this kind of spot, on the edge of the penalty area, but Rodri hurled himself into a block. Any pictures painted in that earlier stroll had been splattered in red and navy.

From England’s perspective Kane had, at least, inadvertently brought about Rodri’s exit. Events seemed weighted in their favour now; perhaps his own, too. But what were Kane and Foden thinking when, neither pressing nor withdrawing, they let the substitute Martin Zubimendi waft between them and build the move that brought Nico Williams’ smoothly-taken opener?

There was an elephant in the room and England’s support addressed it in the 57th minute with loud chants of Watkins’s name. Even so, the speed of Southgate’s response came as a shock. The hero of Wednesday night was poised and the cruel joke might have been that Kane, recognising the situation’s gravity, moved with greater purpose than at any point in the night when his number came up.

While England applauded their fans five minutes after the end, Kane’s name was read out among six players to share the Euro 2024 Golden Boot. It was another prize for that conflicted trophy cabinet and almost felt cruel. The personal and collective grief were stark; so is the dilemma England may face in the next phase of their rebuild.

If football is going home, it is only because this final belonged to Spain. A record fourth European ­Championship title was their reward for a splendid performance in Berlin, even though it briefly seemed ­England would produce another illogical escape act.

Anything other than a 27th ­consecutive win for a Spanish team in a final would have been a travesty. They led when their flying wingers combined, Lamine Yamal setting up Nico Williams, and they gathered their thoughts after Cole Palmer’s equaliser. When the substitute, Mikel Oyarzabal, scored with four minutes to go, it was not a surprise. There was no misfortune to Gareth Southgate’s heartache. England were outclassed by Luis de la Fuente’s refined side and it was another occasion when Harry Kane failed to perform on the big stage.

In a tournament dominated by debate over Southgate’s decisions, few have felt bigger than his call on Luke Shaw. A few weeks ago, it seemed utterly illogical to have picked a squad containing one hamstrung left-back. Yet Southgate has constantly backed himself and here, with Shaw ready for his first start in 148 days, there was the boldness to replace Kieran Trippier with the 29-year-old on the left and trust that he would be sharp enough to deal with Lamine Yamal after the teenager’s defenestration of France.

England had to be ready to suffer without the ball. They altered their shape – instead of the 3-4-2-1 of the previous two games, it was a 4-4-1-1 with Jude Bellingham in an inside-left role and Phil Foden tasked with smothering Rodri – but they could have done without Kyle Walker almost injuring himself when he ­contrived to slide off the pitch and into De la Fuente. There was space for Spain to attack and John Stones had to make a vital ­challenge on Williams.

A couple of bursts from Bukayo Saka aside, the next 15 minutes were all about Spain probing against England’s low block. Fabián Ruiz and Dani Olmo were already making Kobbie Mainoo and Declan Rice chase them, while there was angst when a mistake from Foden let in Lamine Yamal, whose shot was deflected behind.

England produced occasional aggression, although Kane’s desperation to get involved saw him booked when he overcooked a rare touch of the ball and caught Ruiz. This was already a grind. England needed ­better hold-up play from Kane but he was ponderous with his next touch and easily dispossessed. Aymeric Laporte and Robin Le Normand, who had hooked wide from a corner, were not being stretched.

There was more defending for ­England to do when Yamal ran at Shaw, who conceded a corner. Olmo had a shot blocked before Marc Guéhi and Stones combined to stop Álvaro Morata from racing through on goal.

For all Spain’s possession, though, they were not playing with enough incision. There was a clear plan from Southgate, whose defenders were pushing their opponents wide and forcing them into aimless crosses. This was a game of patience and there were isolated moments of ­encouragement for England, not least when Bellingham robbed Dani ­Carvajal and fed Kane. Rodri, who had already closed down one effort from Rice, was there to deny England’s captain, while Spain also needed Unai Simón to make a simple save from Foden just before half-time.

But they were still sleeping in the 47th minute. The pressing from Kane and Foden disintegrated, enabling Martin Zubimendi to slip through midfield, England’s shape a mess. Suddenly, everything was a yard off, Shaw failing to see Lamine Yamal coming in from the flank and slipping away from him. Carvajal was able to find the winger and the sideways pass that followed was perfectly weighted, allowing Williams to charge in from the left, open up his left foot and slip a low shot beyond Walker, Jordan ­Pickford well beaten.

It was a beautifully worked goal, infusing Spain with confidence, and the next 10 minutes were chastening for England. Composure eluding them, they were fortunate not to lose the game there and then. Olmo fired a shot just wide, Stones cleared off the line from Morata and Williams went close from 20 yards.

England unravelled further, Rice and Stones woeful in possession, Guéhi screaming at his teammates. Bellingham wasted a chance to find the overlapping Shaw and there were howls of frustration when Kane failed to attack Foden’s cutback.

Southgate had seen enough, ­hauling Kane off for the sprightlier Ollie Watkins, but still Spain attacked. Pickford made a stunning stop from Lamine Yamal. Palmer replaced Mainoo, who had tired against classy opponents.

Who said Southgate can’t make substitutions? After another ­dangerous Spain burst, England countered through Bellingham and Palmer, Saka free on the right. Another pass to Bellingham, who fell and touched it back to Palmer, who was his nonchalant self as he equalised by caressing a left-footed shot past Simón from 20 yards.

Back came Spain, another ­firecracker from Lamine Yamal ­testing Pickford. A goal was coming, England still too open through the middle. They worked the ball to the left, Marc Cucurella got there before Walker and his low cross was turned in by Oyarzabal.

England had one last heave. Rice headed a corner at Simón and Guéhi’s follow-up was forced off the line by Olmo. The hurt goes on.

Corey Comperatore, a former fire chief of the Buffalo Township Volunteer fire company in Pennsylvania, has been identified as the victim who was shot and killed amidst an assassination attempt on former US president Donald Trump on Saturday.

“He was a hero that shielded his daughters. His wife and girls just lived through the unthinkable and unimaginable,” Comperatore’s sister, Dawn Comperatore Schafer, said in a post on Facebook.

“My baby brother just turned 50 and had so much life left to experience. Hatred has no limits and love has no bounds. Pray for my sister-in-law, nieces, my mother, sister, me and his nieces and nephews as this feels like a terrible nightmare but we know it is our painful reality.”

Two other rally attendants were wounded.

Comperatore’s wife and daughter described the scene at the rally, stating Corey Comperatore quickly moved to shield his family when the shots began.

“He shielded my body from the bullet that came at us. He loved his family. He truly loved us enough to take a real bullet for us,” Allyson Comperatore, his daughter said in a Facebook post.

His wife, Helen Comperatore, added on Facebook post: “What my precious girls had to witness is unforgivable. What I had to was.”

Pennsylvania Democratic governor Josh Shapiro ordered flags to fly at half mast “to recognize the tragedy that occurred at a rally for former president Trump in Butler County last evening, and in honor of Corey Comperatore, a Butler County husband and father who was killed while attending the event.”

In a White House press conference Joe Biden paid tribute also, saying that Comperatore had died defending his family from harm.

A GoFundMe was started on behalf of Comperatore’s family, which had quickly exceeded its fundraising goal.

According to his LinkedIn profile, Comperatore worked as a project and tooling engineer at JSP, a plastics manufacturing firm in Butler, Pennsylvania.

During the very short amount of time he has spent at the top of his sport, Carlos Alcaraz has already enjoyed a career with few comparisons. Alcaraz is winning big titles at a rate that few 21-year-olds ever have yet it still seems like he has barely scratched at the surface of his talents. Every win brings him closer to the possibility that he will soon be the dominant force in his sport.

He took another leap forward in his blossoming career by producing an incredible performance under pressure and holding off his late nerves to defeat the seven-time champion Novak Djokovic 6-2, 6-2, 7-6 (4) and triumph at Wimbledon for a second time in a row. Alcaraz has now won four major titles and counting and he joins Roger Federer as the only men to win their first four grand slam finals.

With this monumental victory, Alcaraz also joins a rare group of six players who have won at Roland Garros and Wimbledon in the same year, nowadays sometimes known as the “Channel Slam”. This is also Alcaraz’s first ever grand slam title defence and it marks the first time he has won multiple grand slam titles in the same year.

After tearing his meniscus during the French Open and quickly undergoing surgery, Djokovic’s run to the final alone was incredibly impressive in itself. But the 37-year-old had also reached the final without facing a single top 10 opponent – the ninth seed Alex de Minaur withdrew before their quarter-final match – meaning he had not been tested by one of the elite.

More importantly, nothing in Djokovic’s path to the final prepared him for the excellence of Alcaraz. A year ago, the Spaniard demonstrated his mental strength and nerve in a delirious five-set comeback victory over Djokovic to win his first Wimbledon title in an instant classic. The start of the sequel suggested that another long afternoon could be on the cards as Alcaraz wrestled a mammoth 13-minute opening game from Djokovic to immediately break serve.

The winner of the final point of that first game turned out to be far more significant. While Alcaraz settled immediately and constantly looked to take the first strike, Djokovic seemed to be terrified of trading with his opponent from the baseline. He was determined to shorten points by approaching the net as early as possible and throwing in numerous serve and volley attempts. Alcaraz easily picked Djokovic off whenever he tried to approach and by the time the Spaniard led 6-2, 2-0, Djokovic had won just four of his 14 net approaches.

Even as he established an early lead, it took a while for Alcaraz to reach his top level. Every game on the board seemed to free him up a little more as he worked through his arsenal of shots, launching himself into nuclear forehands, closing down the net and keeping Djokovic guessing with a steady helping of drop shots.

While Djokovic’s movement has been solid during the fortnight, he has been cautious about sliding and pushing back off his right knee when forced out wide on his forehand side. Time after time, Alcaraz made Djokovic scramble in his forehand corner and he struck his down-the-line backhand well. As he rolled through to establish a two-set lead, he had made Djokovic’s life so uncomfortable.

Even when he trailed by two sets, Djokovic searched for solutions, served well and he put Alcaraz under considerable pressure. It was not until Alcaraz reached 5-4, 40-0 and triple championship point, though, that he finally balked. After a double fault and a fine forehand return from Djokovic, an excellent serve from Alcaraz set up a forehand drive volley. Just as he was about to strike the ball, a spectator screamed out from the crowd. Alcaraz missed that forehand and two more as he quickly relinquished the game.

To his credit, even when Djokovic followed up the break by holding easily to lead 6-5, Alcaraz did not panic. He held serve, forced a tiebreak and then he played an outrageous drop shot winner at 5-4 as he found the courage to force himself back onto the front foot to close out a brilliant win the hard way.

A heatwave that impacted the US west coast over the past week is now moving east into the midwest and south-east, as millions of Americans have been under a heat alert at some point in the past week.

“Numerous near record-tying/breaking high temperatures are possible over the central High Plains and Southeast Sunday, and along much of the East Coast by Monday,” reported the National Weather Service.

Cities on the east coast such as Baltimore and Washington DC will experience temperatures up to 100F (38C) this Tuesday. Temperatures in the west are expected to fall to typical summer averages.

New York City is expected to experience temperatures as high as the mid-90s on Tuesday, with a forecasted heat index between 95-100F from Monday to Wednesday. while some areas around the city could expect heat index of up to 105F.

Over 245 million Americans are expected to experience 90F temperatures between Sunday and Wednesday this week, with at least 30 million to experience temperatures of 100F or higher, according to forecasts by AccuWeather.

Daily records in Charlotte and Raleigh, North Carolina, are forecasted to possibly face record break temperatures. St Louis, Missouri, is anticipating temperatures near or above 100F through Monday.

“Keep in mind that the elderly, small children, people on medication, or with weight or alcohol problems are most susceptible to heat related stresses,” cautioned the National Weather Service ahead of the heatwave shifting to the east. “This is especially true during a heatwave in areas where a more moderate climate prevails, such as Wisconsin. It’s a good idea to periodically check in with those most susceptible to the heat and help them obtain relief from the extreme heat and humidity.”

June 2024 was the hottest month of June on record and the 13th consecutive hottest month on record, with 14.5% of the world’s surface reporting record heat, beating June 2023 by 7.4%.

Las Vegas, Nevada, recorded a record-breaking seven consecutive days of temperatures 115F or higher this past week, and recorded its all time highest temperature of 120F on 7 July.

Some 37 heat-related deaths in the US have been reported so far in July 2024, which is likely an underestimate due to the time it takes for investigations into deaths to be completed.

When I was 17, a girl in my year died suddenly, in her sleep. Natalie was beautiful and very popular. We weren’t friends and we hadn’t really spoken to each other much. (I was a self-conscious, self-obsessed teenager and I assumed I was invisible to most of my classmates.) At the time, her death seemed like a matter for the other popular girls. Because I was self-obsessed, I was worried about being accused of using a tragedy to gain traction and social status. I didn’t try to comfort her friends. I didn’t understand that we were going through a collective, communal grief. My shock and sadness seemed fraudulent and I believed the best gift I could give anyone was space. Natalie’s very best friends were allowed to cry in the corridor and take time off school. If I tried it, I’d be attention-seeking, claiming emotions I had no right to feel.

Now that I’m 39, I regret everything I did and didn’t do. I wish I’d put my self-consciousness aside and let empathy lead the way. I could have gone to her friends and asked what they needed. I could have taken the time to get to know their version of Natalie, who probably wasn’t a remote goddess to them, but a sweet, funny teenage girl.

It’s taken me more than 20 years to understand that grief isn’t an emotion we need to earn. During that time I learned about “disenfranchised grief” – a term coined by bereavement expert Kenneth Doka in 1989. He explained that it “refers to a loss that’s not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported”. Even when we feel that we can openly claim our grief, it’s heavy and hard to navigate. When we don’t think we have a right to our sadness, it’s impossible to heal.

It brought two friends to the forefront of my mind – John and Andrea. Their deaths were just over a year apart. They hadn’t been my closest friends. There were other people in their lives who had a much greater claim to grief than me. But I thought about them both constantly. I missed them. I felt angry and guilty and ashamed that I hadn’t been a better friend. I resented the other friends, whose grief seemed more legitimate than mine – and I hated myself for that. I had to remind myself that my feelings were shaped by love. When I tried to push my grief away, I pushed my happy memories away, too. I wanted the chance to remember the best of my friends, and the times when I’d felt close to them.

The night I met John was especially memorable, because we both thought I’d die first.

We went to a screening of a film. At the time, he was the editor-in-chief of a film website, which sounded very grand – later I learned that he was also the staff writer, the entire picture desk staff and occasionally the office cleaner. John was charming on Twitter – warm, generous, wicked and fun. Over pizza and drinks, I discovered that he was just the same in real life. Imagine a third Mitchell brother, played by Noël Coward. That was John.

As we wobbled in the general direction of Charing Cross, towards home, I asked “What are all those people doing on Nelson’s Column?”

John turned towards me. “You’ve never been up Nelson’s Column? How long have you lived in London? We must remedy this at once!”

I climbed up on to the plinth as gracefully as I could (not very) and marvelled at seeing London from a slightly higher vantage point than usual. I think John offered me his hand on the way down. I think I said, “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” I know exactly what happened next. I missed my step.

My memories are blurry, here, because I lost consciousness, but he came to the hospital with me. I can recall giggling as I used a bedpan behind a translucent curtain, while John turned his back and hummed a little tune to help me to preserve my dignity. I can picture the two of us, alone in a little room, watching the sky turn from navy to pink. Dawn was breaking, and I was out of danger. “I really thought you were going to die,” he whispered. His face was very pale. I smiled. “But I didn’t! And now we have a story! We’ll remember this for ever!”

I believed the incident marked the start of an important friendship. We’d be in each other’s lives for years to come, dining out on this ridiculous anecdote. But when John died, in hospital, six years later, I found out about his death on Twitter.

If I could go back to the moment when we met and give my past self a single piece of advice, it wouldn’t be, “Don’t go up Nelson’s Column,” or even, “Really watch your step on the way down.” It would be: “This friendship is precious. Fight for it. Don’t take it for granted, and don’t let it ebb away.” We’d fallen into an easy, instant intimacy. Soon, we became part of a gang, made up of other Twitter friends who had made the leap into “real life”.

John had been diagnosed with blood cancer in the summer of 2015. The shock was searing, but galvanising. Shortly after his diagnosis, John had a birthday dinner. “Good to know that cancer will get everyone out in the middle of the week,” he joked. “I hope no one is going to leave after two drinks, pleading a morning meeting, under the circumstances.” We made plans to rally round, and talked about rotas, routines, freezer filling. We made jokes about Peter’s Friends and said that in 20 years, we’d return to the restaurant and say, “Remember when John nearly died?” Champagne all round.

A year later, John was still in and out of hospital, but he seemed to be responding to treatment. I left London and moved to the Kent coast, and my connection with our wider friendship group started to unravel. They seemed much closer to John than I was. I had always found the group difficult to navigate. It was easy for me to convince myself that the other members didn’t like me at all. Anxiety and depression descended, periodically. I nursed a secret suspicion that I had always been a non-player character, and the main characters were glad to get rid of me. Now, I’m ashamed that I let those feelings get in the way of a friendship I should have protected.

When I found out that John died, I was barely in touch with any of our mutual friends. How had I let myself lose him? What was the appropriate amount of grief to feel, when you’ve loved someone very much – but you’ve barely spoken to them during the last year of their life? My grief felt wrong. It had the wide, shallow bloom of a bruise. I’d loved John, but had I meant anything to him? The emotions that rose in my throat seemed monstrous, so I swallowed them down again. I felt lonely, angry and selfish. This wasn’t about me. It couldn’t be about me. I’d forfeited the right to my big feelings, by failing to protect the friendship. I was more mad than sad and it scared me. I focused on trying to feel less and making myself as numb as possible. Better to have no feelings, than the wrong feelings.

A year later, in the spring of 2019, my friend Andrea was diagnosed with a rare liver disorder. I knew Andrea through the Jilly Cooper book club, a gang of women who had bonded over a shared love of bonkbusters. Within minutes of Andrea’s awful announcement, the rallying round began. I had a spooky sense of déjà vu as we shared visiting schedules, made reading lists, and Monzo’d each other fivers for care packages. Andrea had known some of the other Jillies for ages, but the two of us had never spent any time alone together. After her diagnosis, we started to message each other frequently.

Andrea wanted to make plans. We talked about what would happen when she was out of hospital, when she was better, when summer came, when, when, when. It was peony season and we discussed where to acquire peonies, where to put them, their scent, their colour and how to prolong their lives. When I first met Andrea, I’d have guessed she’d like lilies or orchids. She seemed elegant, delicate and controlled. When we spoke about peonies, it was as though we were speaking about her second self, her moon sign – a craving for the pungent, riotous and intense.

I hadn’t learned my lesson. As Andrea’s condition improved, I assumed she’d make a stunning recovery, build a brand-new wing of the hospital and be given an OBE for services to grace under pressure. When my friend Kat called me early one sunny morning, I knew, before I slid my finger across the phone screen, that we’d lost her.

As I started to make sense of the situation, the awful old feelings rose up. I had less right to be there than anyone. I hadn’t played enough of a role in Andrea’s life to grieve her. If I was going to earn my place among my friends, I had to offer comfort and support. But I didn’t know what to say, or where to reach. I wondered whether this loss would help me make some sense of losing John and bring me some wisdom and perspective. Instead, it made that grief seem even heavier.

Grief wasn’t supposed to feel this way. I waited for a slow, profound heaviness to take root. Instead, I felt wild. Angry, lonely, abandoned. And selfish. I had no right to these feelings. I couldn’t tell anyone about them. Emotionally, I was at the very end of the queue.

I couldn’t numb myself this time. The dam had burst. I shut myself off and marinated in shame and pity, feeling exactly like a child having a temper tantrum. When I cried, I didn’t sob sweetly into a handkerchief, thinking beautiful thoughts about my lost friends. I screamed. Sometimes I’d lie face down on my bed, grunting into a pillow, kicking the mattress as hard as I could. Please, I thought, someone, give me grace and strength, make me useful. Please let me burn through these mad feelings, so I can get to the proper ones.

The screaming helped, a little. Reading helped even more. I read Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking and Cariad Lloyd’s You Are Not Alone, which were deeply comforting. Books saw my “wrong” feelings and held them and absorbed them, without judging me. And then, in the spring of 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic began and death and grief were everywhere.

The observations made by creative people struck me. People talked about feeling heartbroken, because their first novel was being published when bookshops were closed, or being unable to perform in the plays they’d been rehearsing for months – and then feeling guilty and ashamed of those feelings, because people were dying. Others talked about struggling to process the death of loved ones when they hadn’t been able to spend any time with them at the end. Or about how wrong it felt to go to a funeral on Zoom. A friend’s cat died and she struggled to contextualise her grief. “I don’t really know who to talk to, or turn to,” she said. “Everyone is suffering and struggling. I’m not sure where my feelings fit in; there doesn’t seem to be space for them on the scale.”

It was liberating to learn that for most of us, grief isn’t just about death – we can grieve relationships, lost opportunities and endings. Everyone seemed to be experiencing disenfranchised grief, struggling to attach heavy, oversized feelings to losses that didn’t seem strong enough to bear their weight. We felt isolated – scared to open up about the scale of our emotions. But we were isolated together. A wall fell away. I started to talk about missing John and Andrea. I started to realise that I was allowed to miss them. Grief wasn’t proof of the impact I’d had in John’s life, or Andrea’s – it was proof of the love they’d brought to mine.

In a tribute to her partner and collaborator Lou Reed, Laurie Anderson wrote: “I believe that the purpose of death is the release of love.” Love is a lot like grief. It’s rarely pure, sweet and easy. It can be heavy and painful. It can rush in like a tide, buoying us up, and knocking us down. It doesn’t have a sense of proportion. We don’t love in direct correlation to the amount we are loved. If I was more guarded with my love, maybe I’d have a more straightforward relationship with my grief. But I’m lucky in love – it fills my life. I have a lot of feelings for a lot of people and I’ve learned that there is as much wonder in loving as there is in being loved. Inevitably, this will lead to grief, concentric circles of it lapping my heart. And it will never be dignified or appropriate. It will be vast and wild, the same size as the cast of people who make my life brighter.

Pity Party by Daisy Buchanan is published by Sphere at £14.99. Buy it for £13.19 from guardianbookshop.com

Disinformation researcher Amanda Rogers has described the polarized, unhinged, conspiracy-driven noise in social media responses to the shooting of Donald Trump as “a self-sustaining spiral of shit”.

Rogers, a fellow at the progressive thinktank Century Foundation, has seen this before. But the scale is new and troubling, she said. Conversation on social media – and the mainstream media – is focused on the motivations of the shooter and the impact on the election, she said. Bad actors want to turn a moment like this into a broader call for violence. And they will spread lies to get there, she said.

“The fact that this is the perfect storm environment for dis-info from every single point on the political spectrum, is something that worries me immensely,” Rogers said. “Because it’s an accelerationist’s wet dream … But we need to have voices in the media that are speaking to the fact that this is a breaking situation. People need to calm down about speculation.”

Accelerationists are those on the political fringes – right and left – who want a civil war to burn the country to ash so they can start anew from the rubble. Notably, the term “Civil War” began trending in the wake of the Trump shooting.

Social media was instantly flooded with hyperbole, lies, conspiracy theories and uninformed nonsense about the shooting. The commentary ranged from suggestions on the right like those of Georgia Rep Michael Collins that the president, Joe Biden, solicited the violence and should be charged with a crime, to those on the left suggesting that the shooting is a hoax meant to bolster Trump’s flagging poll figures.

Reasonable questions about whether the Secret Service missed something become conspiracies about whether Biden deliberately withheld competent protection for Trump, said Jonathan Corpus Ong, a disinformation researcher and professor of communications at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

“I think it’s normal for people to be speculating, and kind of like trying to make sense of what happened,” he said. “I think it’s important for any journalist or any reader to be very critical of what they see in the media and what they’re reading, to take it slow as well … I think we would not want to be swept up with fear, because that would get us into a state of distrust in other people as well. It’s important to be vigilant with what we consume, and also learn when to step back from fear-mongering narratives.”

Factchecking the deep fakes

AI further complicates the reaction to breaking news events.

Some images from the event are bound to become iconic, like the photograph taken by Evan Vucci of the Associated Press of Trump, fist raised and ear bloodied, an American flag waving behind him as Secret Service officers sweep him from the area.

But others from questionable sources could be swiftly fabricated. There’s value in comparing pictures from multiple sources at the event, or noting which agencies are distributing them, Ong said.

“You would like to see videos and a news account and analysis, to have multiple sources and to be corroborated and verified by multiple experts, in order to make sure that it is authentic in the age of deep fakes,” he said.

The emotional, historic nature of the moment lends itself to manipulation confirming existing biases, “that trigger very strong emotions of fear or anxiety,” Ong said. “I think that’s what we need to be looking at. And be wary of.”

Before the FBI had identified 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks as the “subject involved” in the shooting, speculation about the gun and the identity of the alleged shooter had begun. Posts began moving through social media almost immediately, suggesting that the shooter used a BB gun, or alternatively that the weapon was a “ghost gun” built from 3D-printed parts.

Police later said they recovered an AR-style rifle at the scene.

Neither claim could be immediately substantiated. Each claim serves a partisan narrative, either that the shooting was a hoax or evidence of lax gun regulations.

Similarly unsubstantiated noise emerged from rightwing spaces about the identity of the alleged shooter.

“These are the usual responses that we get from the accelerationists in the far right channels … you’ve got people identifying the shooter as Antifa, or as a trans person, as a Jewish person,” Rogers said. “You’ve got the usual suspects being trotted out. And then on the more QAnon channels you’ve got ‘this is the left trying to bait us into a civil war’.”

The one thing Rogers found most disturbing was a pattern of mass deletion of posts in the far-right Telegram channels she follows in the minutes after the shooting. She said they do that in case it was one of their own.

“Telegram aficionados know that people are watching and potentially, if there was a connection, if there’s anybody on there that did actually have facts, it’s not like they’re going to let that stuff stand.”

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has identified 20-year-old Thomas Matthew Crooks from Bethel Park, Pennsylvania as the “subject involved” in the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump, it said in a statement on Sunday.

The shooting took place during a campaign rally at the Butler Park Showgrounds in Pennsylvania on Saturday evening.

In a social media post, Trump said he was “fine” after he was “shot with a bullet that pierced the upper part of my right ear.” The former president was quickly whisked from the stage by Secret Service agents, his ear covered in blood. One attendee was killed and two others critically injured.

The political leanings of Crooks, who was shot dead by the Secret Service after the attempted assassination, were not immediately clear. Records show Crooks was registered as a Republican voter in Pennsylvania, but federal campaign finance reports also show he gave $15 to a progressive political action committee on 20 January 2021, the day President Joe Biden was sworn in to office. Officials have not publicly disclosed a possible motive.

The Federal Aviation Administration said on Sunday that the airspace over the Bethel Park was closed “effective immediately” for special security reasons.

The US Secret Service has said its agents shot the suspected attacker after he fired toward Trump – who was speaking on stage at the time – “from an elevated position outside of the rally venue” in Butler county.

He thanked law enforcement officials for their “rapid response”.

Writing on Truth Social he said: “Mostly importantly, I want to extend my condolences to the family of the person at the rally who was killed and also to the family of [those] badly injured,” said Trump, who was taken to a hospital for evaluation and then reportedly discharged about 10.20pm local time.

“It is incredible that such an act can take place in our country.”

Video from NBC News captured more than a dozen shots ringing out at the rally, with later ones apparently coming from agents protecting the president, who had been speaking on stage at the time.

A voice could be heard saying: “Get down, get down, get down!” Agents arrived to throw themselves on top of Trump as the gunfire continued and screams were heard from the crowd.

Audio from the network captured agent’s voices saying: “Shooter’s down. Shooter’s down. Are we good to move? We’re clear, we’re clear.”

As agents tried to move Trump off the stage at the rally, he said: “Let me get my shoes. Let me get my shoes.” Agents can be heard telling the former president: “I got you. Hold on. Your head is bloody. We’ve got to move.”

Trump replied: “Wait, wait.” He then pumped his fist, mouthed the words: “Fight, fight, fight.”

And the crowd at the rally responded with cries of: “USA! USA! USA!”

Agents then whisked Trump away from sight. Video showed blood on Trump’s ear.

Local district attorney Richard Goldringer appeared on CNN and said one aspect of the attack that investigators were “going to have to figure out” was how the shooter managed to get close enough to aim a gun at Trump and fire repeatedly.

The most vivid early account of the shooting came from a Trump supporter who said he was outside the rally site but within hearing distance of the former president’s campaign speech when he saw a man carrying a rifle climb on to the roof of a nearby building.

The man, whom the BBC did not identify, said he and the people he was with started pointing at the man, trying to alert security and police to the “guy on the roof with a rifle”. But no police responded, and within a couple of minutes, the man fired several shots toward Trump.

At that point, the man told the BBC, Secret Service agents shot the attacker and “blew his head off”.

The shots appeared to come from outside the area secured by the Secret Service, the agency said. The FBI said it had taken the lead in investigating the attack.

At a briefing late on Saturday, FBI officials told reporters it was surprising that the suspect was able to fire multiple shots. The Secret Service did not have a representative at that briefing, which included FBI and state law enforcement officials.

Hours after the attack, the Oversight Committee in the Republican-led U.S. House of Representatives summoned U.S. Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle to testify at a hearing scheduled for July 22.

“Americans demand answers about the assassination attempt of President Trump,” the panel said in a statement on social media.

Trump supporters blasted the Secret Service, which is responsible for protecting Trump as a former U.S. president.

“How was a sniper with a full rifle kit allowed to bear crawl onto the closest roof to a presidential nominee,” asked the conservative activist Jack Posobiec on social media site X.

Joe Biden, who spoke to Trump after the shooting, said he was grateful to hear Trump was “safe and doing well”. The president also urged the widespread condemnation of political violence.

“The Trump rally … should have been able to be conducted peacefully,” Biden said. “It’s just not appropriate.”

Biden arrived at the White House early Sunday after cutting short a weekend trip to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

The White House said he would receive a briefing from Homeland Security and law enforcement officials on the attempted assassination of Trump later in the morning.
Vice-president Kamala Harris was also to attend.